| i didn't kill everyone in my dorm. i got an extension on my paper. i fixed my computer and put the '~' where the 'e' key should be so i at least have a button for the most used letter in the english alphabet. now i am up all night writing another paper. the last one is due tuesday, a 8-10 pg. on rainer maria rilke, and i'm pretty pumped. I think i'm going to smoke a fat cigar to commemorate its submission, and to commemorate me liking cigars.
no shave november is going pretty well. 13 days and already a full beard.
theology is hard. i'm taking classes this semester that have a great deal to do with what i call 'spiritual healtiness'. there's a lot of reading and reflection involved, and I think that it's all been good. right now i'm reading a book called 'living prayer' that i wish was written by someone else because the idea is good, but the author (this is only my opinion, don't let it be yours just because) seems a little self-indulgent. i suppose that i don't have room to talk. i guess i'm trying to say that this semester has taught me that silence and solitude are fundamental and necesary components of a life with God, prayer being involved in both. but don't take it from me... listen to your life. |
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| i am having a bit of a strang night. i've been playing intramural football since 5 o'clock and ate bratwurst afterwards with my team i get back a little while ago and a bunch of my residents put a bunch of furniture, that i carried up the stairs before they moved in for them, in my room. that would have been okay and even funny on any other night, but i have to read an entire book and write a paper. BUT they didn't leave it at that. they changed all the keys on my computer and broke the 'e' key. the only way i'm typing this is from my previous knowledge of a keyboard and the little sensor where the 'e' key once was. so this paper should be fun. i just wanted to write this as a safe alternative to killing everyone that lives on my floor.
i'm trying to accept this prank with grace. |
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| i'm not waving, i'm drowning. |
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| journal:
i stayed up all night again tonight. i know it could have been avoided and i knew that yesterday too. but as much as it is a pain as far as sleep and class schedules go, i kind of enjoy (sometimes) the way i think when i dont sleep. i feel as though my brain sometimes operates in a sort of hyperactive state, not in a hyperintelligent sort of way just really fast. it makes it hard to really think about something. not sleeping seems to slow that. my lack of energy, mental and physical, limit the ability to jump from thought to though and bring it down to a bareable level. i start to realize the full weight of a few things throughout the day rather than jumping between subjects and thoughts and trying to get them all. most of the realizations i have come to me in this state. i would assume that this is because most of my realizations (more like revelation now that i think about it) are simply a means of grasping the TRUTH in things that are seemingly granted. like: 'i cant know everything' - a big revelation in my educational life. ALSO, i feel as though it softens me up. i feel more sensitive to other peoples' operations and words and situations and so forth. not because im a super sensitive dude or anything but because 'whatever it is that i have to do immediately' escapes me and i really listen to and think about the one thing in front of me at that point.
i also really enjoy the feeling of a hot shower when the sun starts to rise.
i'm excited to read buechner. i think that the nature and character of this man will speak to me more than alan jones did.
-see you later |
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| i'm writing more, and reading more. that's good i guess. i think i need to continue to soak in the revelation that i am empty. once i do that i hope that i will be filled by God, most graceful. |
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